How I Learned to Be Less Frazzled

My four (non-negotiable) practices for calmer living

May 09, 2025

We are in that long, final stretch before summer. Parents and teachers refer to this time of year as “Maycember,” AKA the second December, due to its busyness. May brings many joyful but time-consuming activities: recitals, teacher appreciation week, classroom parties, final projects, sports banquets, end-of-the-year school events, graduations, etc. May brings the frenzy of December minus the twinkly lights and holiday cheer.

But, what if your life always feels like Maycember?

We live in a fast-paced society where we want everything quickly- we have fast food, fast cars, Amazon Prime two-day shipping, microwave meals, and smartphones that keep us connected 24/7. We have deadlines to meet, emails to answer, social obligations, bills to pay, chores to complete, and a host of a million other things to do.

We run at a pace that leaves little time for rest. We feel frayed and frazzled, and as a result, often deal with headaches, insomnia, anxiety, and digestive issues. There are so many things that compete for our attention daily. Technology can be blamed for some of this, but we have caused part of it all by ourselves. We wear busyness as a badge of honor, don’t we? People love to boast about how busy they are. We sacrifice our health, calendars, family, and downtime to get “it” all done. We push ourselves until we are exhausted, and then... we keep on going. There doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day for all the items on our to-do lists.

One day, I inadvertently left my car running after parking it down the street.

Here’s how the story goes: Right after I finished work that spring morning, I hurriedly left the house to run errands. I had a massive list of things to do before returning home to check on some remodeling and pick my daughter up from school. The cement truck arrived just after I stopped home to drop off some groceries and talk with the contractor. I was on a tight schedule. Knowing I didn’t have much time to put the refrigerated food away before leaving again to collect my daughter, I flew out the door to move my car out of the truck’s way.

I backed my car out of the driveway and parked it away from construction vehicles down the street. I hopped out, ran back to my house to finish unloading the groceries, and continued my conversation with the contractor. Once done, I glanced at my watch and knew school was letting out for the day. I grabbed my keys and ran down the street to my car. Once inside the car, I heard a continuous beeping noise. I could not figure out where the sound was coming from. I briefly sat there and then noticed a warning light, indicating the keys weren’t detected. Oh my gosh! I realized when I had moved the car down the street, I had never turned the ignition off! I had left my car running for at least 15 minutes, totally unaware.

I couldn’t believe I was so distracted that I didn’t remember to push the ignition button off. There was so much going on in my life then, and I knew something had to change. I sped off so I wouldn’t be late picking up my daughter, but when I returned home, I sat on my sofa and cried.

My whole life felt like a mad dash, like the rabbit from Alice in Wonderland who said, “I’m late! I’m late! For a very important date! No time to say hello, goodbye! I’m late! I’m late! I’m late!” I felt like I could never catch my breath because I was always on to the next thing. My life always felt harried, and on that particular day, even more so. After realizing what I had done, I knew I needed to figure out how to live a less frazzled life. I needed to devise a plan for calmer living and reduced stress because I didn’t want to live like that anymore.

Change didn’t happen overnight, but once I decided on the non-negotiables for calmer living, it stuck. Since that spring day many years ago, I’ve certainly had days/weeks that have been stressful and chaotic, but it’s not my norm. When life is overwhelming, I default back to the plan I created.

My (Non-Negotiable) Practices for Calmer Living

1. Say No

Sometimes you must say no to good things to say yes to better things. There isn’t time to: be on every committee, join every book club, teach Sunday school, drive all the neighborhood kids to soccer practice, sign up for the meal trains, visit the elderly at the convalescent home, participate in a citywide clean-up, take on an extra work assignment, take care of your family, and take care of yourself. I know because I tried.

Learning to say “no” was hard at first, but it became easier with practice. Some people may be frustrated or angry when we say no, but that is okay. You know your limits better than anyone; only you can protect yourself from going outside those boundaries. Let’s face it, we cannot say yes to everything. We have to filter what we say yes to and what we decline. I’m still not perfect at this, but so much better than before.

Remember—just because you can do something does NOT mean you have to do it! A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself two questions when deciding to accept or decline an offer: Is this what I need to do (or can it be handed off to someone else), and is this what I want to do? Please don’t say yes to something out of guilt.

2. Simplify

Rhythms and rituals were put in place to help reduce my decision-making. Your brain doesn't feel overloaded when you are not constantly making decisions. One way I simplified was cutting out non-essential activities/responsibilities for myself. I also blocked out time/days that I kept free of commitments, and created a schedule.

Streamlining your life can also include planning meals for the week or month, repeating the same recipes, scheduling time for exercise, picking certain days for laundry and housecleaning, instituting a morning routine, scheduling regular dates and/or family nights, and establishing an evening routine. Some families create rituals where they have Sunday family suppers, Friday night movies with popcorn, or evening walks. Routines help us feel less overwhelmed.

Reducing clutter is another excellent way to simplify your life. WebMD states, “Getting rid of excess stuff can benefit your mental health by making you feel calmer, happier, and more in control. A tidier space can make for a more relaxed mind.”

3. Schedule Leisure

Leisure is when we do what we like, whereas with work, we do what we must. Incorporating more leisure into my life allowed me to gain perspective, more time to do what I find fun, and embrace what gives me life.

What brings you joy in your leisure time? Some people recharge by gardening, doing puzzles, playing an instrument, running, road tripping, golfing, watching movies, playing board games, etc. In my leisure time, I find renewal by hiking, baking, reading, cooking, and traveling. I love playing games, sitting in the sun, going for walks, and being at the beach.

How can you change your routine to add more fun? Making time to do what you enjoy is a great stress reducer!

4. Self-Care

Self-care means prioritizing my well-being spiritually, physically, mentally, and socially.

Spiritually:

Self-care in this area looks like daily pauses for prayer, Scripture reading, listening to the daily Lectio 365 and worship music, and honoring the Sabbath.

Physically:

Previously, I wrote a post about Living Well (lifestyle habits). Still, in this area specifically, self-care means exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, eating whole foods, and taking a hot bath when my body hurts. I get regular massages, take vitamins, and schedule annual skin checks, mammograms, and physicals. I also see my dentist every six months.

Mentally:

I recharge mentally by reading, enjoying periods of silence, listening to calm music, being out in nature, writing, and ensuring my calendar isn’t jam-packed. Rest is very important to me, both physically and mentally. Sometimes you’ll find me sitting on a chair outside listening to the birds and enjoying the view.

Socially:

I always called myself an extrovert, but as I’ve aged, I think I’m actually an ambivert. I sit right in the middle of the introvert and extrovert. I love social interactions, but also appreciate alone time for reflection and recharging. Self-care here looks like scheduling dates with my husband, time with friends, and get-togethers with other couples, but not to the point of constantly overscheduling my weekends. It also looks like staying in touch with my loved ones via text messages, FaceTime, phone calls, and Voxer messages.

What are some practices you use to reduce stress? I would love to know.

With love, Natalie xx